Dare to Believe
I met Miriam at a Widow’s Luncheon that a local church was hosting. I was extremely excited to hear of her visiting, since I had read her book “From One Widow to Another” shortly after I lost my husband. I gained such needed knowledge and felt like I could finally put a game plan together for the next year.
My story is one of brokenness and an ongoing healing beyond my wildest dreams. I was married 13 years when my husband, Philip, came down with the flu the first week of January 2014. The flu season was hitting our area in Texas particularly hard and his job kept him constantly in hospitals or nursing homes. He was a funeral director and I had requested him to get his flu shot, but he didn’t think it necessary. The flu turned into pneumonia, which turned into ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome). Within three weeks of fighting for his life, God called him home. He was a wonderful man of the Lord, and I was able to see an unexplainable peace come across his face before he left this world.
At the age of 33, I was suddenly widowed with two children ages 5 and 8. I felt so alone and scared. I knew God was with me, but was reassured of that fact the night Philip died. I was too upset to drive home, which was two hours away, so my parents and children shared a motel room. My Dad woke me up the next morning asking me if my son had been playing with a flashlight during the night. I looked at him strangely, and told him no. He suddenly got up and walked to the bathroom emotional. He came out and told me he had seen a bright light hovering over the kids and me during the night. He said the weird thing about it, is that he saw it every time he looked over to check on us. I started to cry and told him about my dream I had. I dreamed that Philip had told me I was going to be ok. As my two children heard of my dream, my daughter and son both told me of a dream they had where the message was the same just different so their young minds could understand. How I needed that encouragement. Through the love of family and friends, we planned the funeral and finished moving into a new home Philip had just finished building before he became sick.
The name he wanted to call our little ranch, was “Dare to Believe” Ranch. At the time he told me, I thought that didn’t sound like something he would normally come up with. After he had passed, I knew without a doubt my 63 acre place would be called “Dare to Believe”. It has been a year and a half, and what a journey. I have built a small schoolhouse to continue homeschooling my children. I just finished having a barn built, so that I can teach my kids how to ride horses. (A hobby that originally brought Phil and I together) It hasn’t been easy, but I have managed. Goggle has been my friend and You Tube. I usually can figure out anything I need to accomplish through these handy tools.
This past month I have finally learned to accept what happened and find happiness again in my life. I have a peace in my life and have become a more confident woman. Yes, there are days when I could use my backup with the kids, a good hug and kiss, but God has provided strength and a couple of brother-in-laws that spend time with my son when he needs some guy time. I laugh at my silly kids and keep myself busy with the goals I still have of raising up two Godly children. I have actually gone a day or two without thinking about Phil, which is a huge step. We were fortunate enough to talk about death and I know he wants me to move forward and continue to be the woman he fell in love with. I have had countless little God signs, which remind me that I am never alone. God pushes me on and “dares me to believe” that I am going to make it through this. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths”. Proverbs 3:5-6
I have blogged my journey at www.widowdaringtobelieve.blogspot.com.